Dark of The Moon
by Bitcheesquared
Summary: Companion piece to brighter than the sun. Stefan's point of view seven months on.


Stefan sighed heavily as he dropped his bag by the couch and moved to pour himself a drink.

God he was tired. He wanted sleep more than he could ever remember wanting it, but he knew that sleeping was not an option when he still had Elena to deal with.

He winced.

Jesus, when had it all gotten so hard.

Not so long ago he would have been looking forward to seeing Elena, especially after being on the road so long. When had seeing her become such a chore?

He sighed again and swallowed a mouthful of the bourbon that he'd poured.

He was in the process of deciding whether to pour himself a second when Caroline entered the room.

"Hey you're back early, how did it go?"

Her tone was bright but Stefan could see the strained look in her eyes and grim twist to her mouth that belied the casual tone of her question.

"Another dead end. Antony said he'd had an email about transferring some funds about four months ago, but the email address was dead and he hasn't heard anything since then."

"Shit!" She huffed.

"Yeah... I know Caroline, but it was a long shot. Antony has been the Salvatore solicitor for years and he knows not to ask questions when it comes to Damon."

He frowned down into his drink.

"I don't know who else to contact Care." He admitted.

"Damon and I didn't exactly run in the same circles and he was always pretty good at avoiding me when he needed to. Tracing him through the money was really the only thing I hadn't tried. Hell if I know what to do, if Bonnie hadn't done that location spell that fizzled I'd be worried that he was dead."

Tossing back the last of his drink he met Caroline's concerned gaze and tried to not look as tired as he felt.

"Look, we know he's still alive and we know that for some reason he doesn't want to be found. I guess we'll just have to hope that he gets tired of playing hide and seek and contacts us, coz I don't know what else to do. I've tried everybody who I know that knew him, and none of them have seen hide nor hair of him. I've been to every goddamn pokey little shithole and dive that he ever frequented, at least the ones I know about, and crossed most of the country doing it and I've still got nothing. What else can I do?" he ground out in visible frustration.

"Damon is gone and doesn't want to be found."

It was Caroline's turn to sigh as she moved to the bar to pour her own much needed drink.

"God Stefan, what are we going to do? She nearly gave Jeremy the slip just yesterday. Bonnies with her now, but it's only a matter of time before one of us screws up and she manages to do it. I know we discussed the cell thing but I really don't think we have a lot of choice anymore. The longer it's gone on the worse it gets. If we don't lock her up it's only a matter of time."

She met his pained look with one of her own.

Stefan scrubbed at his hair with both hands and groaned.

"I know...I know we need to put her on lock down but...I just don't think I can stand to do it Caroline." He raised his eyes to hers again.

"Maybe...maybe we should just let her go..."

Caroline's mouth turned down in a grimace but her expression hardened and Stefan felt the tiredness wash over him again at her determined look.

"Care... It's been seven months and she's not getting any better. I don't know what happened to make her give up like she has, but she has. She never wanted this Caroline; she didn't want to be a vampire and Damon leaving..." He trailed off at a loss to find the words.

"I don't care about Damon Stefan; she doesn't just get to give up like this. The Elena I knew wouldn't just give up like this. Hell... my Elena would be out scouring the country with you, not sitting in her room nearly catatonic. She'd find Damon and kick his ass for leaving... no way would she just give up like this." She gulped down a mouthful of her drink and turned back to face him.

"She wants to die Stefan and I don't understand why? Every time I think of that morning and how close we came to losing her..." She shuddered.

"What if Bonnie hadn't arrived when she did. We might never have known what she'd done Stefan. She would have been a pile of ash and cinders in your driveway and we probably wouldn't have noticed."

Stefan sighed internally.

They'd had some form of this conversation more times than he cared to remember over the last seven months, but it wasn't getting any easier and he still had no real answers for her.

The note from Damon had been clutched in her hands when he'd found her in Damon's room; the look on her face one of total devastation. It was in that moment that Stefan knew he'd lost her. Every feeling she'd ever suppressed where Damon was concerned was clearly written on her face, and Stefan's heart broke for all of them.

Two days later she'd walked outside without her daylight ring.

She'd already started to burn by the time Bonnie had thrown the rug from the back seat of her car over her. And by the time Stefan had rushed home after Bonnies frantic call, she'd been just healed up enough to try it again.

After that they'd made sure she was never alone, but that hadn't stopped her from trying it every time one of them looked away for more than a minute.

All she would say about it when asked, was that she should have died the night the car had gone into the river.; that she didn't know how to live with what she had become.

But they all knew it had more to do with Damon's' leaving town than any leftover desire to be human.

Stefan was devastated by her death wish and he'd been nearly distraught with guilt when he realized that it was his deal with Damon that had caused it. He wasn't stupid, he knew Elena had cared for Damon far more than she would admit, it was the reason he'd made his deal with Damon in the first place. He just hadn't understood how much she'd cared.

Apparently neither had she.

At first he'd been jealous and furious at her reaction to Damon's farewell letter. He'd been hurt that she was so obviously devastated over Damon's loss and bewildered by her blank faced grief. But seven months later he would have given anything to hear the sound of the Camaro engine and the snark of his brothers' voice.

Oh he still loved her as much as he ever had, but after seeing the way she was grieving Damon he had to except that whatever else had changed when she had become a vampire, it had destroyed her denial about the way she truly felt for the eldest Salvatore.

Elena was in love with Damon and it had taken his leaving town for her to realize it.

They'd been looking for well over six months now and hadn't found any real trace of him and Elena had seemed strangely unmoved by the results. It was if she had read his letter and decided that she would never see him again and refused to even hope.

Privately Stefan thought it was her way of punishing herself for driving Damon away; for not returning his love when she'd had the chance.

He'd read the letter himself and even he had to admit that nobody did goodbye quite as well as Damon. It was a love letter and a goodbye all in one and if it had caused a pang in his heart, it only made sense that it had cracked Elena's heart into pieces.

What would Damon think of her now that his sun was eclipsed by the dark of the moon; the grief and longing overwhelming even her brightness?

How did he convince her that eventually the pain would lessen, when even Damon's eloquent words had failed to do anything other than rip her heart from her chest?

Damon was gone and all he was left with was the ghost of the girl he still loved. Did it really matter if she greeted the sun one last time, when everything that had made her who she was had been lost.

She'd lost family, friends and her humanity and then she'd lost the only thing she'd been sure of.

What was left for her if Damon stayed gone?

And did any of them have the right to lock her away in the dark of a cell when she had always been a creature of light.

Lock her away for their own selfish love and watch her drown in the darkness of despair, or let her fly free and scatter apart in a blaze of heat and light?

Sometimes there was no right choice and sometimes choice was all they really controlled. But this was one he wished to God was someone else's.

How could he live with the knowledge that letting her go would mean that the day he saw his brother again would be the day he lost him for good.

A month from now or a thousand years, it wouldn't make it less painful to Damon.

Just regret and ashes: that's all that would be left when Damon learned that his sun had finally been extinguished.


End file.
